Short stories for M & D, M & M, M & A
by McDreamyGirl
Summary: Okay so I have a bunch of short stories running through my mind and I want to share them with all of you, the most current one would be CH 6 titled... Leave, a MerMark story.
1. MerDer short fic

_**The Choices We Make…**_

_**This is one of the ways (of many) I think the first episode of Season 3 should be – well at least for Derek/Meredith/Finn/Addison.**_

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_**Now remember guys I am the biggest Mer/Der fan so this will be a Mer/Der story, I just don't hate Addison so I won't make her character insufferable. **_

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_**Needless to say I do not own these characters they just inspire me to write.**_

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_**McDreamy Girl.**_

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"Meredith." She heard Derek call out. He was looking at her so intently, with so much confusion, frustration and hurt, she did not know what to do. The emotions that he stirred in her – always, not just tonight – were still there. Fact was that she loved him but she couldn't have him. He was married and there was nothing she could do to change that, nothing. He needed to change that. He needed to make that choice, not her. She had given him the option of choosing her and she had put her pride aside and told him exactly how she felt. She had uttered: "I love you" first and he had still gone and chosen Addison. How was she supposed to feel right now? Happy that they had made love, ecstatic that she had finally been close to him again?

"Meredith." She then heard Finn call out. He was standing there -- so perfect -- so damn perfect. Of course his perfection was everything she wanted, everything she needed but did she want it from him? For so long she had been alone, pining over Derek, doing everything in her power to forget him and suddenly…enter Finn. He was so wonderful but her heart did not belong to him completely and she did not even know if it would ever be his. In spite of what happened tonight and how much she had missed being with Derek and making love to him, could she just turn her back on Finn and at a chance at real happiness? What about Derek though? Would she be so prideful as to not give him a chance to explain why he did the things he did and how he hurt her? Could she be that spiteful to him just because she had cried herself to sleep night after night for weeks while he had gone home to his wife?

They were both looking at her expectantly. They had glanced at each other just seconds before and Finn with his innocent look and his naïve outlook on the tumultuous relationship that she shared with Derek truly expected her to leave with him. On closer inspection, however, she saw, as he understood the heavy tension that was emanating from her and Derek. It was so noticeable that you could cut the tension with a knife. His face changed immediately as understanding started to hit him.

What was she going to do? In her life nothing had come easy for her and this was just another example of her being taunted by fate, destiny, whatever you chose to call it. In one hand she had a chance at true happiness with Finn but a happiness that might not be everything that she had dreamed of as a little girl. He had suffered so much, being a widower so young and finally moving on with her and he had said **_he had plans with her, plans with her! Plans that Derek and her never once had spoken of! _**

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Could Derek offer her that? He was a taken man. A man who belonged to Addison but for a couple of minutes tonight he had belonged to her and he had wanted to be there with her and the way he had made love to her was a desperate cry for her to understand that even though he was taken, he needed and wanted her as well – it was amazing how much she understood his thoughts with just one stroke of his hand, with just one kiss from his lips. No words needed to be uttered. She just knew. Derek loved her. He was in a predicament but then again so was she! Her heart belonged to Derek, her soul belonged to him as well but just because that was true, it didn't mean that they were going to be together and happy. And if they weren't going to be together then didn't she deserve to take a chance with Finn?

She finally looked at Finn and immediately turned to look at Derek. Both of them were still looking at her expectantly and she closed her eyes in resignation. She had to make a choice right now. She couldn't just turn around and leave. That would be the coward's way out. That would be doing what she always did best: run. She was determined to stay and figure this out. As excruciatingly painful as this was – she needed to be strong and she needed to determine what path her life was going to take.

She breathed in and slowly let it out – she knew what needed to be done if she followed her heart – she needed to follow her heart: "Derek. Can you please give me a few moments with Finn?" she questioned. She turned to look at him and saw as his eyes light up for a moment then extinguish at the words that followed his name. He was upset that she had asked for time with Finn. "Please." She continued. "Just a minute." She looked at him pointedly trying to make him understand that she just needed to talk to him. Surely he could give her that much time after all she had to wait for him.

"Fine." He said curtly and did his best to smile. He turned to look at Finn one last time and made his way down the hallway. "I'll wait for you at the end of the hall." He said, as he brushed past her, touching her slightly. He would have brushed his fingers with hers if he had not been afraid that she would flinch away from him and that would kill him – after they had made love that would kill him. He itched to touch her one more time but he could not trust her to want his touch. It had been his fault he knew that but he hated this feeling.

Meredith nodded her head as she turned and looked him in the eye. God she wanted to be with him. So much. Yet here in front of her was Finn – this was enough to cry over. She put thoughts of Derek to the side and looked at Finn who stood motionless as she approached him. She had made her decision but it wasn't any less hard to wonder if her choice was going to be one she would be sorry down the line. Finn was wonderful but in your heart you did not love who your head told you to love – you unfortunately followed your heart.

"So he's the one that you have been pining over and thinking about?" Finn asked. "I should have known something was up when I saw the exchange between the two of you when I gave you Doc's diagnosis." He said as he looked at her intently, demanding her to finally tell him the truth. She was in love with Derek and it was so evident now that maybe he had just not wanted to see it and now it was clearer than water.

"Yes." She said, without hesitation. "Finn. I never meant for you to find out this way. Derek and I were together but then I found out he was married and Addison walked into our lives when I was sure that I was going to spend the rest of my life with Derek. Not that it's her fault; I mean they are still married. I actually told him to pick me, to love me but in the end he decided to stay with Addison." She said as she searched his face for some type of indication of what his feelings were. When she received none, she continued: "I was devastated. I was in love with a married man. I didn't know he was married but that didn't matter. In a fraction of a second my life had been turned upside down. So when he chose her, I decided to move on with my life and needless to say I made a lot of mistakes these past few months so when I met you I had promised myself that I was going to knit and not date. Period."

Finn smiled at that. He couldn't help it. She was a lost soul and he recognized that because he had been one for so long and maybe he still was. They were the best match in every way, but it seemed that her heart was taken and he could have died for that reason alone. It wasn't his time with her and possibly never would be. If this were any indication of the future, there was no doubt that she would end up with Derek.

"But then you came along and you were so wonderful. So understanding and so utterly beautiful, inside and out…with what seemed no problems, no attachments and no wife and I wondered why not give myself a chance. Why not?" she exclaimed as tears formed in her eyes. "You don't understand Finn how much it has cost me to try to reclaim my life without Derek. You don't understand how many tears I have cried because he is with her, he loves her and he didn't pick me. Even though I had reactions from him in the beginning of jealousy, he still was with her and then we had this huge fight and it was over – I just knew it was over. I was so angry, so hurt and so ready to be done with him that I wanted -- I still do actually -- to try to make it a go with you but I know that in my heart it wouldn't be fair to you, to Derek or myself." She finalized – in the end not knowing what she was going to do or if she still wanted to say goodbye to Finn. This was so hard. A few seconds ago she knew she wanted to be with Derek and was going to say goodbye to Finn but now…when he looked at her like that she did not want to hurt him.

"So you're saying." He finally said, after listening to her tirade. "That you want to start anew with me but you don't know if you can do that?" he questioned. "You don't know if you want to risk your heart again with Derek?" he questioned.

Meredith looked at him and her gaze never wavered from his. "I would love to try to give it a go with you Finn. I would love to…" she said and was surprised by his interruption. "But you can't." Finn finished for her. He then continued: "Are you going back to him?" Finn asked. "I think that you have to do that Meredith because if you don't then you will never know if this thing that you have with him – whatever it is – is the real deal. You will never have closure and you will never be able to move on – with me or anyone else."

"I don't know." Meredith answered honestly. "What I do know is that it's not fair to string you along and tell you that I will give it a go when my whole heart is not in it. When part of my heart is still with him." She said, as she turned and looked at Derek standing at the end of the hall pacing nervously. She knew him well enough to know that he was nervous about what he she was going to do.

Derek felt her gaze on him and he immediately turned to look at her. What was she telling Finn? After what they had done, after making love to her he knew now more than ever that he was not going to be able to let go of her. He needed her like he needed air to breathe. She was telling him that he did not let her breathe well that was good because as far as he was concerned he had stopped breathing the moment that he let her walk out of his life. Meredith was his air so they were even.

He had tried to make it a go with Addison and he had been as truthful as he could be with Meredith when he yelled that he would rather be looking at his wife, that he felt normal with her that he didn't make her crazy that he didn't feel like killing his damn vet and he still felt like killing him – still! But what kind of life would that be – for all of them. His responsibilities, his obligations and his moral compass is what made him stay with Addison and part of him wanted to know if he was still in love with her. Now it seemed that he wasn't. Actually he knew that he wasn't.

They had shared so much love in their marriage that he felt that forgetting her and to stop loving her was merely impossible. The problem was that he had found love in someone else and he needed to face the consequences of those actions. He turned back to see Meredith and Finn still deep in conversation. How long was she going to take? The not knowing was driving him insane.

"I know I can make you happy Meredith." Finn stated. "We are so alike it is unreal and while I have not known you long enough I can tell you that I want to get to know you and I can give you so much more than he can. Is he even leaving his wife? Don't you deserve better? But again I can tell you all this till I am blue in the face but until you see it with your own eyes it will be for naught." He finalized, realizing that he needed to let her go.

Meredith smiled as she reached out and stroked his arm gently. "I might deserve a lot better but you know what you never get to choose the person that you fall in love with Finn and I do love him and I do know that I like you and I would love to see where this is heading if…" she stopped but decided for Finn's benefit to finalize it: "…I knew for a fact that I was strong enough to say no to Derek and mean it."

Finn nodded his head. He had risked and it seemed he had lost. "Meredith you are an extraordinary woman and any man, I mean any man, would be lucky to have you. I understand that you can't be with me and I accept it. I just hope that Derek realizes the type of woman you are and that he gives you the place that you deserve." Finn said, as he leaned in and kissed her cheek tenderly. "I will be waiting for you to call me. I know that you might not but I will still be waiting."

Meredith nodded her head and saw him leave. She saw him get in the elevator and no sooner than the doors were closed she felt Derek behind her and felt his hand automatically go to her back and then around her waist. "You okay?" he questioned as he inched her closer to him. He really didn't want to know if the vet was okay or if he had been devastated. What he wanted to know -- no what he needed to know -- was if she had told him that she couldn't see him anymore. It was selfish, it was childish, it was immature but that is what he was wanted to know.

"Yeah." She said. "He's gone." She said as she turned to him with tears in her eyes. "Why Derek, why do I let you do this to me? Why?" she questioned as she started walking down the hall to a chair to sit down without waiting for him to answer her. She needed to sit down.

"What? What do I do to you? Tell me." Derek said. "Tell me what it is that I do that drives you so crazy because you know what…I can tell you what you do to drive me crazy. Huh? Why don't we start with that?" Derek said and at her nod of the head he continued. "The way you look at me when you don't want to look at me -- the way you glance at me and then promptly turn away before you think I notice. That drives me nuts. Because all I want to do is take you inside an exam room, rip your clothes off and have hot, passionate sex with you." He said, as he sat down next to her and inched his head next to hers. "The way we did today." He heard her laugh lightly and it propelled him to continue: "Let's see what else? Oh yeah…the way that you laugh when you think I am not watching you. When you're with the other interns and they crack a joke or say something amusing – you throw your head back and smile from ear to ear but the most beautiful thing about that is the way your eyes light up when you're laughing and looking happy. I want to be the one bringing that smile to your face. I used to be the one that did that Meredith and it drives me crazy that I can't bring that type of happiness in your life anymore. Can you tell me the last time that you and I were together and we actually laughed out loud and had tears streaming down our faces because we were laughing so hard?" he questioned.

"I can't." Meredith answered honestly. "But we did have good times didn't we?" she asked. "We did." He concurred. However, he wanted to talk about her driving him crazy because there was so much more that he needed to tell her. He was on a roll. Besides she had indicated that she wanted him to explain to her why she drove him crazy.

"How about the way you drive me crazy when you ignore me, when you're mad at me, when you shoot daggers at me with your gaze and the way that I know that I hurt you every time you see me with Addison?" he questioned. "I don't want to hurt you Meredith and maybe if I were more of a man I would let you go but honey I can't. I can't just let you go. I need to at least see you, watch you like you say. I need to watch you to feel alive." Derek finalized as he caressed her hair and lightly kissed her cheek, closer to her mouth than her upper cheek. He was aching to feel her lips on his.

Meredith started: "You want to know what makes me stop breathing…well besides what I told you before. Not knowing how you feel about me. Not knowing if you're happy with your wife or not. Knowing by the way that you look day in and day out that you are not as happy and go lucky as you were when you were with me and while that should make me happy, it doesn't Derek because I know you and you are a wonderful person and you deserve to be happy and you need to be happy. I want you to be happy." She said, as her hand automatically went to stroke his face. "I hate the fact that you can make me so mad one minute…so mad that I hate you -- truly hate you -- and then a second later all I want to do is hold you and touch you and kiss you and hope that you will take me in your eyes and make love to me because the pain of not having you inside me is more than I can bare." She confessed as she hugged him to her, tightly and let the tears flow from her face. "You have no idea how much I have missed you. How much I have needed you. How much your face haunts me at night."

Derek closed his eyes as he felt tears prickle them. He couldn't believe that she had told him what she was feeling. Just like that – after all the insults, after all the emotions kept secret between them she right now had opened the lines of communication by baring her heart to him and he loved her all the more for it. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?" he asked, as he broke away from her. "In the stairwell a couple of days ago I was such a bastard and it wasn't that I really felt that you were a whore, I never called you that but I know that I implied it but you were killing me with jealousy, you were killing me every time I saw you in my mind in his shirt." Derek defended. "I'm sorry about what I said. I'm sorry I hurt you but honey never, never…" he said, as he cupped her face with his head and pulled it up to his face… "Never think that I stopped loving you." He said before he bent down slightly and kissed her passionately.

After the kiss subsided a bit, she said in between pecks: You had never told me that you loved me before." Meredith pointed out. "So sorry if I'm a bit taken aback with you telling me right now after all we have been through."

"I know that I should have told you before. It's just that the time was never right and when I knew that I loved you, it was too late to voice it to you and it wouldn't of been fair if I had told you after I had chosen Addison." He said, as he lowered his gaze. "But you have to know that not for one day did you leave my mind and I promise you I tried, I tried so hard to stop loving you and I just couldn't." he said as he stood up and started to pace the floor. "My head told me to forget about you and to really give it a go with my wife and we tried everything we even went to therapy. I told her that I would give you up, that I would not talk to you and I couldn't – not even in the beginning and then around Christmas time I confessed to her that you had not been a fling, that I had actually fallen in love with you. I can't believe that I told her I loved you before I told you but how could I tell you when I had hurt you more than maybe anyone had ever hurt you?" Derek said as he ran his hand through his hair.

"What made you want to stay with her?" she questioned. She knew that Derek had a very strong moral compass and maybe it had been his intention to stay because of that but would the same compass make him see that he was inflicting pain instead of the morally right thing to do?

"I stayed because I could not believe that the love that I had felt for her one day would all be gone. I knew I had strong feelings for you but Addison and I had for so long been one. I chose not to believe that my love for her could ever end because what kind of person would that make me?" Derek said as he turned to look at her. "A terrible person." He said out loud.

"No. It makes you the type of person who moves on when someone betrays them. I don't know Derek. I mean come on she slept with your best friend so I assumed that had to feel like someone stabbed you in the heart and I know, I know that you are a kind person but she betrayed you." She started and closed her eyes as she continued: "But then I met her and I really tried to hate her, I mean really tried Derek and at the beginning I did. However, once I let you go or at least tried to let you go and I saw that she seemed genuinely sorry for what she did I didn't hate her so much. I guess she has that impact on everyone. She's really likeable." Meredith pointed out. "So I guess my question now is can you let her go now or are you going to let me go and tell me that this thing that happened between us was our closure?"

Derek knelt in front of her and cupped her face with his hands. "No closure. From today we move forward. I will talk to Addison. I think she knows that we are through – especially after our fight. Yeah. The one you heard."

"Okay." Meredith said and then cupped his face with both of her hands. "I am only telling you this once and I do not want to hear about it again. I did not sleep with Finn. The night you saw me in his shirt we had just been back from birthing a pony. Yes, Derek, don't look at me like that. Not once have I slept with Finn." She said.

Derek looked at her as tears filled his eyes. He hugged her to him and said slowly: "I'm so sorry Meredith – so sorry. I never meant to hurt you when I suggested you slept around. I feel terrible. I don't know what got into me. You should hate me. I hate myself. I wanted to hurt you as much as I was hurting and I needed to see that hurt in your eyes. I'm a terrible, terrible…"

"Shush." She said, as tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I forgive you. That's what people do when they are in love, they fight and make up; I forgive you Derek. Because I love you and because you love me…I forgive you."

Derek looked into her eyes and saw the love that he felt for her reflected back onto him. Who knew what tomorrow would bring. Addison and him divorcing, fighting and him finally admitting to her, to Meredith and to himself that the only woman for him was Meredith. That's what tomorrow would bring but for now, for this instant, he was going to kiss the woman he loved, no matter who bared witness.

"I love you." He said, before he kissed her.


	2. MarkAddison short fic

_**Broken…**_

**_Let's just say that I am a HUGE fan of Mer/Der but that does not mean that I don't like Addison…or that I don't love Mark! Mark is hot, Mark is beautiful and he deserves a little bit of my creativity and to have thoughts run through my mind of how I want hi to be happy and mend Addison's broken heart._**

_**So without further ado…here's a short based right after Derek saw him in a towel.**_

"Well this is awkward." Mark said as he tugged on his towel a bit. He looked at Derek and for a split second was frozen in time but then he felt the first strings of a smirk come to his face. Yes. At one point Derek had been his best friend and at one point the guilt of what he had done with Addison was too much to bare but now…after everything…he knew that their marriage was over and that whatever happened in the past either had to remain there or new dynamics had to come into play. His job at this point was to make Addison happy and if Derek did not see that fitting then they would have to discuss it at another time.

Mark knew that there was nothing left of Derek and Addison so why not fight? From what Addison had told him Derek seemed intent on fighting for Meredith. Why not try to at least fix Addison? Why not give her his love and why not confront his best friend and tell him that he was in love with her and that he could make her happy and not him? He loved Addison and he needed her to know that. Derek had stopped loving Addison a long time ago – even before he left New York. Derek was too obsessed with his job and it wasn't that he didn't know how to prioritize – no. It was that he had stopped loving Addison, they had stopped loving each other but they couldn't admit it to anyone, not even themselves. It was his goal on this trip to make Addison see that the love was gone on both ends and that he was there, like he had promised, waiting in the wings for an opportunity to make her happy and to bring the much needed joy into her life.

He came back to reality as he heard Derek exclaim: "Well I feel better." He then saw Derek take a drink of Addison's champagne, nod his head and head out the door without even a glance back. Mark had given him a gift, even Addison…probably without even realizing it. Mark and Addison had given him the tools to move on, to go and find Meredith and to fight for her without any guilt. That might not have been what Addison wanted but it sure was what he wanted. He wanted the opportunity to show Addison, to prove to her, that he was the one that loved her and if she'd let him he would spend the rest of his life proving it to her.

"You okay?" he asked as he approached the bed and sat where Derek had been. He looked at her face and pain shot right through him. She looked so damn beautiful. Even when she was in pain, with the hurt so evident on her face because her marriage was over she still looked damn beautiful to him. "Addison?" he said her name. "Honey, tell me."

Finally she turned to look at him as tears rolled down her face. "I just did it again. I just slept with you again and he found out and now it's over. Really over and I just don't know what to do with that reality. Mark, why did I do it to him again? Why did I call you, because I was drunk, lonely, desperate? Why!" she demanded. What was wrong with her?

"I don't know why you called me Addie. I don't know." He said, gently. He looked into her eyes and smiled; a half smile. "But I'm glad you did." He said, as he gently caressed her cheek. "I don't want you to go through this alone. Addie you need me. You need me here and I'm here. You wanted me here and I got on the first plane and came to you. Doesn't that count for anything?" he questioned.

Addison looked at him intently. Mark was so beautiful – dangerously beautiful! He had captivated her with his smile and with his beautiful face and with his to-die-for body. She had lusted after him once things started going south with Derek but never did she anticipate that she would be having a torrid love affair with him and much less that Derek would catch them in the act. She knew it was wrong and that it had to stop but she never had the strength to stop him because not only did he fulfill her physical needs but he also started to fill the emotional gap that Derek refused to fulfill.

"I know that I can count on you." Addison said as her hand reached up to cover his on her face. "I just don't know what you want from me and more importantly what I can give you." She said, finally voicing out her fears. "I do love Derek, Mark." She confessed. "I don't know if I will ever stop."

"I know you do." Mark said, trying to not let her words affect him or his feelings for her. "But he doesn't love you anymore. I don't think he has for a while. When I came a couple of months ago I knew he was in love with Meredith and I told you that. I didn't tell you because I wanted you to hate him or because I wanted you to come home with me – well I did want you to come home." He said, as he smiled at her and inched closer. "I told you because you deserved to know that you were fighting a losing battle Addie."

"It's not like me to give up." Addison pointed out. "After all it had been my fault that he left in the first place."

"It was our fault." Mark said. "Do not try to take on all the responsibility. You might have forsaken your vows but what about my accountability in this? I should have known better than to try to comfort you when I knew that not all my feelings for you were friendship. I knew that our affair was bound to happen and yet I didn't stop myself from being that so-called friend you went to."

"It was eleven years of marriage Mark. Eleven years that I loved Derek, that I took care of him, he took care of me and eleven years of history and love and communication. I couldn't just let that go down the drain. I had to fight for my husband and for our marriage but it was all useless wasn't it?" she questioned.

Mark looked at her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders as she put her head on his. "Maybe…point is you tried." He said, soothingly. "It might not have turned out like you wanted it to but the fact remains that you tried to fix things and now you can move on as well. You can finally let go of all the guilt and you can finally heal."

Addison sighed heavily and finally smiled, her first smile since Derek had left the room. "You know what?" she questioned. "You're right. I might have made a huge mistake…well we might have made a huge mistake but the point is that I tried to rectify and it didn't work out. I am genuinely sorry for what I did to Derek but maybe he never actually forgave me and that's why he couldn't love me again." Addison said, as her eyes filled with tears.

"I think it had more to do with Meredith and his feelings for her." Mark answered. "If there is one thing that I know about Derek is that he loves completely. He might have neglected you but it was never intentional. I don't think that Derek has it in him to love two people simultaneously. And what we did to him broke him. He came to Seattle met Meredith and for some reason she made him forget all the heartache we caused. She made him love again and he couldn't shut that feeling off." Mark rationalized.

"He loves her." Addison said, sadly. "He never forgot her. Not while we tried to fix things, not while I thought things were good. Can you believe that I actually went as far as to befriend her? I wanted us all to get along." She said, as she laughed bitterly. "But if I'm honest with myself. I wanted her close. I wanted to try to monitor their moves because I knew…I knew that he still had feelings for her. If I let myself see it – I would have seen the looks that he gave her. The feelings of jealousy when the vet came into our lives, the sheer possessiveness of the punch he gave you when you came the first time. He didn't do it for me." Addison said. "He did it because every single time that he felt her distance herself from him it was daggers to his heart."

"Yes. He punched me because I was talking to Meredith and that's when I knew." Mark stated. "Knew that it was just a matter of time and either you or he would break and I would be standing as I am now – in front of you, comforting you but also telling you that I love you. I have always loved you and that I want to heal you. Let's try again Addie…no Derek, no Meredith just you and me. We can give this a real chance now. We don't have to hide, we don't have to lie. We can just be." Mark said, as he lightly brushed her lips with his. "Please. Let me help you."

Addison looked at Mark. How could she say not to that? How could she say no to the one man who had stood by her no matter how bad things got? He had been her rock in New York. He had been her confidant and he had been her lover. The man that brought her back to life when Derek had shut off from her. The one that apparently still loved her in spite of all her shortcomings. "I don't want to hurt you Mark. I don't because you are the one person that has never let me down."

"I love you." He said simply. "I love you no matter what. You have to let me at least try to prove to you that you are worthy of having someone that will love you unconditionally; that will put your best interest before anyone else's. Addie it's time that you let yourself be loved and that you stop punishing yourself for sleeping with me. It's time that you forgave yourself." He said, as he heard her gasp for breath and then break down in front of him. That's what he was after. He wanted her to accept and recognize that the reason she came back to Derek was to punish herself for what she did to him. She blamed herself for the outcome and she wanted to rectify. What she needed to understand was that there was nothing she could do to rectify. What was done; was done. Derek moved on and now so should she.

"I don't know if I have it in me to love anymore Mark. You are important to me – so important but I don't think I can say I love you back." At least not yet, she thought to herself.

"I know that." Mark said, as he hugged her to him. "I don't delude myself in believing that you love me but you know what? I know this much: I know that you called me in you time of need. I know that you see me as more than a friend and a confidant. I know that you attraction to me goes beyond the physical and I know that your feelings for me run much stronger than your willing to admit to yourself."

Addison looked at him and smiled. "Maybe." She said as she hugged him to her once more. "I just don't want to hurt you." She exclaimed. "I don't know how long I will be in this rut." She confessed.

"I'll take my chances Addie. I want to be with you. I want to be the one to yank those fears away from you and to make you smile again."

"Okay." She said, as she kissed him. "Okay."


	3. MerDer fic separate lives

_**Separate Lives**_

**_  
Here is a short one-time fic based on the song by Phil Collins called Separate Lives. It's one of my all time favorite songs and thought that it would fit Mer/Der perfectly. This takes place during last season's finale.  
_**

_**It goes without saying that I do not own any of the characters, they just inspire me to write, write, write! **_

"Lets dance." Finn told Meredith as he guided her to the dance floor putting his hand carefully on her back. Finn smiled as he led her to the dance floor. He was falling for her and for the first time in a long time he wanted to move on with his life. He had pined over his wife and had mourned her and now he needed to make himself happy again. Meredith might be the one person that could make that happen. Finn knew that someone else was on her mind at times and that was why her heart was so guarded towards him and he even understood that. She could not give herself completely to him right now but he would be patient and he would wait her out. After all, he understood the necessity of being patient with the other person. You couldn't pressure them to fall for you, the only thing that you could do was do the best that you could and try to make them realize that you were the one for them.

"Okay." Meredith said as she let him guide her. She had invited him to the prom because she was finally able to accept the fact that it was over with Derek and she needed to go forward – preferably with someone that didn't have much baggage and she really did enjoy spending time with Finn. Derek and she were finally over so she could finally let go – at least she would try. The fight they had in the stairwell was the one thing that she would never forgive him for. While he had not called her a whore outright, the meaning behind his comments had and for him to judge her was insane. She was so glad that she reminded him that the reason she had been so messed up the past couple of months was because of him and he needed to look at himself in the mirror before he passed judgment. Jerk! Meredith thought as she willed herself back into reality and focused on Finn.

At the other end of the room was Derek: "Lets dance." Addison stated. He guided her to the dance floor as he looked down at her and smiled. "You look beautiful today." He said and smiled at her. He didn't want to hurt her but he couldn't bring himself to love her unconditionally like he had before. Honestly, he didn't even know if he loved her at all anymore. He would always care for her – always -- but did that mean that he was in love with her? His feelings for her were strong. He felt loyalty towards her. He felt tenderness towards her and he even felt remorse because he could understand how his actions might have influenced her into accepting Mark's advances when they had lived in Manhattan. But all in all it didn't answer his question: was he still in love with his wife?

"I can't believe we're here at prom." Addison smiled as she let him hug her and take her in his arms. This felt so wonderful she thought. The jealousy tirade she spat at him the day before was out of her mind for now. It was true – every word she had told the Chief was true. She knew Derek was in love with Meredith but right now she didn't want to think about it and she didn't want to concentrate on what that meant for their marriage. Right now she wanted to live in a world where her husband was devoted to her and loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

Addison didn't want to think about Derek's eyes and how day-by-day the light seemed to go out of them just a little bit more each day. She didn't want to think about how his demeanor when Meredith was around became tense and full of – if she wasn't mistaken – sexual tension. However, the saddest thing was that even though she felt the sexual tension she knew that her husband wasn't cheating on her, well at least not in the physical sense – in his mind and in his heart was another matter. He was acting the way he was because he wasn't cheating on her and that made him miserable. Why -- because his mind, his heart and even his body wanted to be with Meredith.

**_You called me from the room in your hotel  
All full of romance for someone that you met  
And telling me how sorry you were  
Leaving so soon  
And that you miss me sometimes when you're alone in your room  
Do I feel lonely to?_**

Meredith let herself be swayed by the music. Finn had just told her that he had plans and she had smiled and responded that it was okay that he had plans so why was she currently staring intently into Derek's eyes? Why did it seem that with just one look they seemed to understand what the other was thinking and feeling? She could not let this happen to her again. She would not. She would not fall for him. Think about the stairwell Meredith; think about how humiliated you felt when he called you a whore. If she could concentrate on that she would hate him again – but why was it so hard for her to hate him? Why was it so hard to stop looking into his eyes? Damn him to hell! 

This was one of her favorite songs from Phil Collins and it always managed to hit a special cord inside her but now after what happened with Derek it was so much more meaningful. She wanted things to work out with Finn. She wanted to be happy with him and she had voiced it to Derek. He might not like it – even though the way he decided to tell her that he disapproved was by calling her a whore which she wasn't and she had let him know that if that is what he thought of her it was his fault. He made her like this. He broke her. Why did the word whore constantly come into her mind? She had been totally affected by it, of course. It gnawed at her that he thought her a whore. It killed her.

**_You have no right to ask me how I feel  
You have no right to speak to me so kind  
We can't go on just holding on to ties  
Now that we're living separate lives_**

Derek could not take his eyes off of her and his gaze softened considerably as he continued to watch her. It had started off as a pointed look and he had wanted to turn his face and ignore her and to prove to her – and him -- that it was really over her but he couldn't do it – he had to see her, breathe her in, even if it was from afar. She looked so beautiful today. He remembered as she descended down the stairs how his heart had soared. He wanted to be the one to greet her at the bottom of the stairs, kiss her and walk with her hand in hand to the prom that night but he couldn't. It was to die for. It was to kill over. The rage bubbling inside of him did not lessen; on the contrary, as the days went by it incremented and pretty soon he was not even sure what he was going to do with so much rage – it was going to be so hard to keep it bottled up inside.

Right now the object of his murderous thoughts was the damn vet. He was holding her so close…so close that he felt like leaving Addison on the dance floor, going up to the vet and separating them physically. The worst thing was that Meredith had been looking into the vet's eyes and smiling before he held her captive with his gaze. That's what he wanted – to hold her captive, to let her know that she was driving him crazy, to make her understand that she was not the only one who was suffering with this decision. To let her know that he still wanted her, still needed her and most importantly still loved her – even though he had not told her that he loved her ever. 

This damn song was making him feel so many things at the same time and it was true he had no right to ask her how she felt; he had no right to tell her he was concerned for her. After all, what was he to her now? Nothing. But when you love someone doesn't logic go out the door? Of course it does -- especially in the circumstances that they were in. He knew he had no right to feel jealous, he knew he had no right to want to kill the vet, he knew he had no right to want to tell her to wait for him; that they both could figure things out. But again, logic went out the door where she was concerned.

This was lunacy! She had just said something to Finn and was walking away from him and even if it cost him his life he had to know what was going on. "I have to go and check on a patient." He found himself telling Addison. Where did that come from? How did he manage to outright lie to his wife for Meredith but there would be no stopping him now! He was going to talk to her…he had to. He was sick and tired of fighting his feelings for her and fighting with her.

He was still so angry…so angry at the emotions that she stirred in him. One way or another he needed to end this lunacy. He needed to see where she stood, what she thought, what her feelings were because he was so mad, so mad! Why? What was this? She drove him crazy. She drove him to do things that he knew he shouldn't be doing yet there he ready to follow her like a damn idiot, leaving his wife behind on the dance floor.

**_Well I have learned to let you go  
And if you lost your love for me  
Will you never let it show  
There was no way to compromise  
So now we're living (living)  
Separate lives_**

"It just got really hot in here." Meredith found herself saying. What was she doing? Why couldn't she stop looking at Derek? His gaze on her was making her feel shortness of breath. "I just need to go and splash a bit of cold water on my face. I'll be right back." She said, as she made a beeline for the hallway. Damn him, damn him, damn him, what was this hold he had on her? Why couldn't she be happy with Finn? Why couldn't any of her relationships work? She wanted Derek but she couldn't have him! Damn him, damn him, damn him! Finn was so perfect for her and she couldn't give him her all -- because of Derek. When was this love she felt for him going to end? Why couldn't she move on?

Derek immediately followed her down the hallway. "Meredith." He said, anxiously. Where was she going? What was she doing? Most importantly, why was he following her? Damn her, damn her, damn her!

"Derek. Leave me alone. Go away." She said as she started jogging to an exam room. She needed to get away from him. She needed to be alone for a few minutes, gather her thoughts and compose herself so she could go back to Finn and pretend that the look that transpired between Derek and herself had not happened.

**_Oh, it's so typical  
Love leads to isolation  
So you build that wall  
You built that wall  
Yes, you build that wall  
You built that wall  
And you make it stronger_**

"Meredith." He said as he ran to catch up with her and to catch the door before she went in and locked it because he knew that if he didn't reach it, she would lock it. And he would be damned if he was not going to speak his mind.

"Leave me alone." She repeated. "Why are you doing this to me? Why are you looking at me? Stop looking at me!" she said, exasperated. She was about to blow up, she was two seconds shy from losing it and she was going to tell him everything. How much she still loved him, how much she needed him, how much she missed him. If he didn't leave right now or respond to her accusations she would spill and she didn't want that. It had taken her months to be able to look him in the face and smile. It had been months to where she became a fraction of who she was before Derek entered into the picture.

"I am not looking at you." He exclaimed, then repeated more loudly and with tone: "I am not looking at you!" What was she thinking? To call him on how he looked at her? He was trying here. He was doing his best not to look at her. Did she think that he wanted to look at her? Did she think that he enjoyed when she drove him to madness? Did she think that he enjoyed being the jealous boyfriend when he had a wife but also was not even the freaking boyfriend! She was out of her freaking mind if she thought that he enjoyed this.

"You are looking at me. Every time I step out of an exam room, you're looking at me. And I am trying here. I am trying to be happy and Finn he's perfect, he's just perfect for me but I can't. I can't because your looking at me and when you look at me I can't breathe and when you look at me I don't know what to do. So just stop looking at me! Because Derek you are looking at me!" she said, frustration making her yell almost at the top of her lungs. How dare he say that he was not looking at her? How dare he deny it?

Meredith couldn't even look at him anymore so she turned her back to him. She had heard women say that they couldn't stay away from men who hurt them because they loved them and she used to wonder why they would stick around - it was insane and uncalled for…the punishment that they put their heart through yet here she was doing the same damned thing.

She almost startled when he heard him respond: "Do you think I want to look at you? Do you not think that I would rather be looking at my wife?" he said as he snickered. She knew he would be on a roll now. There would be no stopping him and maybe this was good – maybe just maybe this would finally be the one fight that would end them. Not that they hadn't tried before. "She doesn't drive me crazy! She makes me feel normal, she doesn't make me sick to my stomach imagining my vet with his hands all over her!" he said as he took a deep breath. There. He had said it. What had been goading him for weeks now, the fact that she was dating the damn vet! He had finally said it out loud.

Derek had every intention of telling her right then and there that they couldn't do this anymore but hadn't he told her that in the stairwell? He had not meant it. He had been jealous and angry and he had lashed out. He did not want to think about her in his vet's shirt…he did not! It killed him every time and made him angrier by the second.

It was then that she turned to look at him but did not utter a word. Her glare was so defiant and so ready to do battle, that it did him in. Truth was that he didn't want to fight her anymore. He had lost and that was okay because all he wanted to do now was kiss her and hold her and have her again. Damn the consequences. He had been denied too long. He lunged towards her and embraced and kissed her at the same time. He didn't want her to pull back. He wanted her to feel what he was feeling. He wanted to convey to her the feeling of utter helplessness that he was feeling. He wanted her to feel how much he loved her even if he couldn't voice it out loud – to her or even to himself.

Meredith was taken aback if only for a second with Derek's kiss. As she felt his lips on hers, her first instinct had been to jump back but as he embraced her, her reservations went out the window and her hands automatically went to the back of his neck. Feeling him again felt like heaven. She had wanted to kiss, hug him and caress him so many times and she hadn't been able to and now that it was happening – even if she knew it was wrong – she was going to go with it. She just wanted to be with him. Was it a crime? If it was, God help her!

"I need you." She heard Derek say to her. "Right now" he finalized as his head dipped to her chest. Right then and there she knew she was lost. She would let him do anything he wanted to do to her. She belonged to him. Had always belonged to him and now they were just coming home…to one another. 

**_Well you have no right  
To ask me how I feel  
You have no right  
To speak to me so kind  
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes_**

Their eyes connected and they both smiled at each other – not believing that this was happening. All the love that was pent up inside of them evident in the way their bodies touched and the way their hands seemed to have a mind of their own. They refused even for a second to be apart. It was like a magnet was pulling them towards each other and both of them did not want to fight it. They were done fighting themselves – at least for right now.

**_But for now, we'll go on living separate lives  
Yes for now, we'll go on living separate lives  
Separate lives_**

"Meredith?" he said as she looked up at him nervously. "Meredith." He said again… "What happens now?" he questioned as he saw her still looking for her black panties. Who cared about that? He needed to know what was going to happen. What did their lovemaking mean? Was she going to want to be with him now? What was it that she wanted? Hell…what did he want after this?

"Meredith." He heard Callie from the door and immediately turned around to zip his pants. "Izzie needs you." She said as he turned and saw Meredith make a beeline for the door. Damn. He thought to himself. Why didn't he lock the door? They hadn't planned this but that was a huge oversight. Callie had stated that Izzie needed her; he wondered what was going on? No time to think about that now. His thoughts only centered on Meredith and what they had done. As sorry as he knew he should be he had to admit that he couldn't. Making love to her had felt like home and he wanted to stay there. He wanted her to be with him. He needed her to be with him.

Suddenly Addison came to his mind and guilt overtook him. How could it not? She had done everything possible to try to mend their relationship and so had he but today he broke his vows. He knew what it meant and he knew what he had to do. He just felt horrible doing it. For months he had been so angry at her and when she started calling him before she came to Seattle Grace he should have told Meredith the truth yet he had not known that she would come. That's what happens when you delete messages before listening to them. He had been angry with Addison and he had thought his marriage truly over.

Addison had made a good point when she told him that they had been a family and that they had been happy and that maybe just maybe she was the love of his life. That made him doubt and suddenly knew that the right thing to do was to fight for his marriage because the guilt of neglecting her had come to haunt him finally and he realized that maybe she had fallen for Mark because of that. But now…now he just did not know how to break the news to her of what he had done. One thing was for sure he would never be able to judge her from his high horse anymore. He never felt like he did but in this precise moment he actually understood a bit more why she had been unfaithful.

He made his way out the door and towards the hall. He saw that Addison and Finn were talking, smiling and laughing at something one or the other had said and his guilt came back tenfold – not for Finn but for his wife. He nervously approached them as the Chief asked him if he had seen any of Bailey's interns. He shook his head no and rubbed his hand through his hair. Where was she? What had happened? He needed to talk to her.

They all turned as the Chief signaled that someone was coming down the hall. He saw her then…teary and with swollen eyes. What had happened? Then he saw and heard Izzie and understood. Denny had died. Poor Izzie.

"Well I guess that puts an end to the evening." Stated Addison as she patted the Chief's back and walked with him leaving Derek behind.

"I'll give you a ride home." Finn told Meredith as he made his way to the elevators but stopped and turned abruptly as he felt her not moving. As he turned he saw her look at Derek and he knew. He knew that Derek was the man that Meredith had been pining over, the man that broke her heart; and the man that she still loved apparently.

"Meredith." Derek called out to her. It was time for her to choose. He had made his choice; he had been with her and was hell bent on telling Addison the truth it was her turn now.

"Meredith." Finn called out to her as well. It was time for her to let go of Derek and to try and start a future with him. She deserved to be happy and he knew that he could make her happy.

Meredith looked from one man to the next and her heart bled. How had she got to this point? It was so hard to walk towards Derek. After all they had been through her heart could not take one more disappointment and what if she chose him and he couldn't finish what he had started tonight?

She turned to Finn. So wonderful…so utterly patient…so full of loyalty and tenderness! She'd be a fool not to walk to him but was patience, loyalty and tenderness enough? Was being safe in his arms enough? What about love?

**_But for now we'll go on living separate lives  
Yes, for now we'll go on living separate lives_**

She closed her eyes for one second and decided to listen to her broken heart and let it make the choice for her. She smiled as she opened her eyes and looked at Finn. She walked to him, kissed his cheek and uttered with tears in her eyes: "Finn you are a wonderful man. Any woman who has the fortune of sharing her life with you will be a very lucky woman. Unfortunately, when we met my heart was already taken and I never really got it back. I'm sorry." She said, as she saw Finn nod his head, half smile and utter: "I wish you the best. You are an extraordinary woman."

She saw him walk to the elevator then turned to look at Derek who was staring at her with tears in his eyes and walked to her as he embraced her tightly and kissed her lightly on the lips. "What happens now?" she asked.

They didn't know but they would figure it out – together.


	4. MerDer fic choices

_**Choices**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor do I want to. I just want to express my creative side and write about what I would love to see happen on the show.**_

_**This is from Meredith's point of view….**_

_**Happy reading!**_

_**McDreamyGirl**_

He chose her. He looked me in the eye – wavered hesitantly for only a second – and told me he had chosen her. Well not with those exact words, those were: "She's my wife." Okay…so she's his wife? So, I was what, the lover? The one that he had fun with, consoled his broken heart with for a few months and then the adulterer comes to town and he without even hesitating (well okay, maybe for a second or two) decides to take her back. Doesn't that make him as much of an adulterer as she? Did he just sleep with me to cheat on his wife, make himself feel better about it and then go back to her?

I knew it was a bad idea to go out with him. I knew it was a bad idea to even consider the possibility of letting him in my heart but before I knew it, I was there…in love with Dr. McDreamy and not knowing what to do.

I still remember when I saw her walk in the hospital doors and Derek turn to me to say: "Meredith I'm sorry." Like if he never expected her to come to Seattle. Hell…he probably didn't. I get, I get that he was hurt, that he needed to seek comfort in another woman but did I have to be the one to fall in love and be left with a broken heart that needed to be mended because it broke into a million pieces?

Surely he has to know that this is tearing me apart and he is not helping matters when every turn that I make, there he is – looking at me, pleading with those beautiful eyes of his to forgive him. Forgive him? For what! For breaking my heart, for choosing her, for leaving me to fend for myself with a pain that consumes every pore of my body and that threatens to make me scream in front of anyone?

He has made me a scorned woman. He has made me regret every single day of my life spent with him. Why did he allow me to dream? Why did he allow me to think that maybe I would not be so lonely now? With my mother in the clinic and her forgetting even who I am, I knew I had a rock in him – a stable boyfriend who could fast become a partner. I wanted him to love me back!

Actually, I needed him to love me back almost as much as I needed air to breathe. I fought him so hard, wanted to stay away from him because I knew it would be wrong. I knew that potentially the repercussions could ruin my career but like a true woman to form, I let my heart get the best of me and ran with him to a fantasy world, where his wife didn't exist and where he was in love with me. Truly I was happy there…so happy until I had to crash back into reality and come to terms with the fact that his wife graciously let me borrow him while she was out of commission, well sort of.

So now what? What do I do when I have to see the one person that I love most in the world day in and day out? What do I do when I see them in the hospital having lunch, talking, kissing? What do I do with the love that I have for someone that is not mine to have? What do I do with these tears that fall every five seconds and seem to not want to stop? Can anyone tell me please how to stop loving him -- because I don't know the answer to that.

I just want to pick up the phone, call him and tell him that he has made the biggest mistake of his life. I want to pick up that phone and tell him that even though he has a history with his wife, it's only that: history. That even though he feels that loyalty is what should bind them together; loyalty is one of the things that she did not know anything of when she slept with his best friend. Am I being unfair to her? Who cares! I am the one that now needs to know how to live without him. She has him – again. She was the one that was supposed to go back home, with signed divorced papers yet, story of my life, I am the one that gets screwed. I am the one that will end up going to the bar, alone, to meet with friends because I have no one to cuddle to at night anymore.

It's not about him losing me and what a great catch I am, it's about me losing him and losing part of myself. I can't remember the last time that I felt anything more strongly than my love for him. I don't even know when the love will stop.

Sadly if he were to come up to me now and ask me to be with him one last time, I would. Maybe if he were to ask me to please understand the choice he made and why he did it and that this is what he needs to do to prove to himself and to her that I am the one, then I would be patient, I would – it's really pathetic really where my mind wanders to. Sadly enough I would probably sit by the phone night after night waiting for his phone call but that's not going to happen because he has made his choice and his choice is not me – it's her, his wife, the one with the title. The one he claims he has spent countless Thanksgiving's, Christmases and other family holidays with. The one that he owes another chance to – not me, no…the chance goes to her because of course she met him first, married him and now has rights and privileges that lovers (though I didn't know I was) have no right to.

I will still be here…trying to recuperate from yet another disappointing turn in what is Meredith's life. To wait for what – no one know the answer to that.


	5. MarkAddison

_**Open Arms**_

_**Okay guys, here is another short – this is a song fic (Open Arms by Journey)**_

_**Mark is back in Seattle with the intention of making Addison happy but he doesn't know if it will work or not. These are thoughts that are randomly going through his head and actual conversation between the two. **_

_**I do not own any of the characters of GA, wish I did – I would write for them and make them all fall prey to my whims, lol. **_

_**  
Happy reading and please let me know what you think. **_

_**Lying beside you**_

_**Here in the dark**_

_**Feeling your heart beat with mine**_

_**Softly you whisper**_

_**You're so sincere**_

_**How could our love be so blind**_

Mark looked at Addison for the hundredth time that night and his heart soared. How could he not love the woman that was lying next to him? He had lost everything for her…his reputation, his best friend, his desire to be with other women. He had never felt anything like this for anyone else in his entire life. Yet, she did not – or could not – give herself to him entirely. He wanted all of her, he needed all of her but her heart still remained with Derek.

Addison was sincere when she told him that she was still in love with her husband. That if he had not slept with Meredith she would still be trying to make things work with Derek and would've never called him. However, she did call and her husband did sleep with his lover – well the woman that he now loved. Why was it so hard for Addie to accept that Derek had moved on? Why was she still holding on to a lost cause? Derek had stopped loving her a long time ago and for some reason that only made Addie fight harder.

_**We sailed together**_

_**We drifted apart**_

And here you are by my side 

They had been through so much and undergone an insurmountable amount of pain. When he had begged her to go back with him to New York his heart had been broken into a million pieces when she said no, that she would be staying with her husband. He had told her that Derek did not love her anymore and still she stayed. He had told her that he was in love with her and yet she still stayed with Derek. He had told her that he would never wrong her, that he would cherish her and that what they had done had not been entirely wrong. It was circumstances that made their union so hard but they should not be punished. All he needed to do was tell her over and over again until Addison believed it.

_**So now I come to you**_

_**With open arms**_

_**Nothing to hide**_

_**Believe what I say**_

_**So here I am**_

_**With open arms**_

_**Hoping you'll see**_

_**What your love means to me**_

_**Open arms**_

What did it mean to her that he was here? She was the one that had called and told him that she needed him – if only for one night. It didn't matter that she called him in her desperation. What mattered was that she thought of him. That had to count for something, right? He had told her – promised her – that whenever she came to her senses or whenever she needed a shoulder to cry on he would come back to Seattle on the first plane back. He had wanted to tell her then and there that he would wait an eternity. That no matter how in love she was with Derek he would remain devoted and in love with her and that even if he never felt her body next to his or himself inside of her, he would love her till the day he died. He had sworn to her that he knew they were soul mates and if she couldn't see that or accept that, it was okay. He would wait.

_**Living without you**_

_**Living alone**_

_**This empty house seems so cold**_

_**Wanting to hold you**_

_**Wanting you near**_

_**How much I wanted you home**_

Then he had gotten on the plane and headed back home to New York but her things were still at his place and her scent still lingered in his house, especially their bedroom and their bathroom. She had not even told Derek that she had moved in with him and they had spent several months trying to make their relationship work and in the beginning it did. In the beginning it was wonderful. They didn't have to hide from Derek anymore. They could go to dinner without the fear of being caught by someone and they were able to openly express their feelings for each other. Addison had seemed happy then.

As time passed, however, the glow in her eyes started to fade and the guilt started to consume her. It made them fight constantly and she wanted him to understand where she was coming from but he couldn't. He still didn't. What she finally had told him was that she was still in love with Derek and that she had to try to fix things. He had been taken aback by that statement – he was left out in the cold and didn't know if he would ever be able to be the same man without her.

_**But now that you've come back**_

_**Turned light into day**_

I need you to stay 

His hand automatically went to her hair and he caressed it lovingly. If only she'd come back with him to New York. If only she'd give them another chance he would make her see that the only one for her was him. That Derek was a bump in the road to get to him. That Derek didn't know her like he did. That Derek stopped paying attention to her far before she decided to be unfaithful. That Derek had moved on and had no remorse whatsoever – well maybe a little remorse but after seeing her with him again, he was done with the guilt of falling in love with Meredith and he would fight tooth and nail for Meredith and that would leave Addison out in the cold – much like he was with her.

_**So now I come to you**_

_**With open arms**_

_**Nothing to hide**_

_**Believe what I say**_

_**So here I am**_

_**With open arms**_

_**Hoping you'll see**_

_**What your love means to me**_

Open arms 

He didn't know how he was going to convince her that she needed to let this thing with Derek go and she needed to let him in her heart. "Addie." He said, lovingly as he inched closer to her. "Addie…wake up."

"Mhmmm…" she said as she started stirring. "What time is it?" she asked as she opened her eyes and looked at Mark. He was here. All she had to do was pick up the phone and hours later he was there by her side comforting her like always. Why did he do it? Why did he put up with her? If Mark had done to Addison what she did to him, she probably would have hung up on him or not answered at all. She would have sent him to hell – where they both deserved to be.

"Why?" she questioned as she found the courage to speak. "Why did you come? After everything that I have put you through?"

"You asked me to." Mark stated. It really was that simple for him. Addie needed him and he was going to be true to form and show her that he kept his promises and that – to him – she was his priority.

"That it?" she questioned. "I ask you to and you come."

"Yep…" he admitted. "I want you to see that no matter what Addie I'm here for you. No matter how much you try to push me away I will come back because this is what I want. I want you…for the rest of my life…with me. I want you to know that even if you try to self-destruct I will not let that happen because if you are defeated a part of me is defeated as well."

Addison's eyes filled with tears. Mark loved her more than anyone had ever loved her and she had walked away from that, for what? For Derek to turn around and do the same thing she did to him: cheat. It was a given Derek and her only hurt each other. They might have a couple of months of cordial companionship but it would never go more than that. She realized that now.

"I don't know why I came back to him." She said honestly. "Maybe it was because I knew that he was seeing someone. When Richard called and told me that he found out that he was dating an intern I saw red. All I could think of were how many times we had been in our bed, happy. I wanted him back." She said, as she wiped some tears from her face. "Then when I saw Meredith and saw the opportunity of making him stay with me because of his obligation towards me, I took it. Mark…I took the opportunity of him feeling vulnerable and I punished him, Meredith and myself. Everything that has happened I deserve because I knew that he didn't love me and I stayed."

"You wanted it to work Addison. You did what you thought was right. At least you followed your heart. That's not a bad thing. You should always listen to what your heart says." Mark interjected.

"You know in the beginning when we went to therapy and he decided to let go of Meredith I really thought that we would work things through but then as time passed, I saw him become more and more miserable. Then you came to town, he punched you because of Meredith not because of me and I knew it was because you were flirting with her. He went ballistic. Over her…not me." Addison said, as a sob escaped her. "But no…it didn't end there. I disregarded my gut and your warning and kept at the game. Why not? I was Addison Montgomery-Shepherd – top surgeon. There was no way an intern would beat me. So what did I do? I befriended Meredith and I told myself it was for Derek's sake…then came the dog. Then the damn dog died and then prom hit and this is where we are…oh no…but not before me making a spectacle of myself. I lashed out all my insecurities to Derek in front of everyone, including Meredith. Then was when I knew and confessed to the Chief that my husband was not even sleeping with Meredith but she still had this hold over him and I couldn't compete cause it was not only passion between them but this connection that I couldn't break through."

"Now you're free." Mark added.

Addison nodded her head and smiled. "Yeah. I guess I am." She said, as she stroked his cheek. "I have you though. I know now that I can count on you to be there to lift me up when I'm down, to pick me up when I fall."

"With open arms baby." Mark said, as he hugged her and kissed her once softly, lovingly.


	6. MerMark Leave

_**Leave**_

_**Okay guys I am working on Chapter 13 of Pleasant Surprises as we speak but as always thoughts of future stories plague my head and I heard this song from Matchbox 20 – Leave – and suddenly I knew that I had to write a short today and post it.**_

_**Setting is in 2009 and Mark and Meredith are together, happily married...so yes this is another Mer/Mark story. What can I say? They consume me at this point. They are happy and very much in love. Derek is observing them and thoughts, regret and loss is the only thing that he can feel at this point, that is until Meredith approaches him and has a heart to heart with him. **_

Derek walked into Joe's and cringed inwardly. There they were on the dance floor, dancing so closely together that they couldn't fit a needle in between the two of them. He wondered when it was going to stop hurting – seeing Meredith with Mark and not with him. He knew they were married. He had actually seen their church wedding ceremony – even though they didn't see him. He had never seen Meredith more beautiful than that day and he had never seen Mark happier or giddier than when he saw her walk down that aisle and when he muttered his vows to her, pledging his life, his love and his fidelity to her with no preambles.

He never thought that walking away from her a few years ago would bring what was staring him in the face. Derek thought that she would be happy with Finn and he had been the better person for giving her what she so desperately needed: happiness and peace. But never in a million years did he imagine that she had let Finn go right before he walked away. Meredith never did tell him about that. She had been so hurt and so consumed by anger that she didn't want him to know that she had chosen him and since he had no knowledge of that fact; he went on being polite to her and cordial but it never escalated to another level and she never pursued it either. She was done with him, his wishy-washiness and his insecurities. Everything that was happening to him today he had brought on himself, it was just so hard to accept the fact that he had lost her because he wanted to be the better man and give her happiness and now he was married to the one guy that crippled him, not once but twice.

He sat down on a bar stool and smiled at Joe. "Give me a shot Joe." He exclaimed rubbing his face with his hand and putting his elbow on the counter top. "Thanks." He replied as he downed the shot. "I needed that."

"You haven't gotten over her have you?" Joe asked as his eyes went to Mark and Meredith on the dance floor smiling at each other and oblivious to anyone else in the room. It had been a tough road for those two but now they were solid. It was an unfortunate situation for Dr. Shepherd but he had never seen Meredith happier than when she was with Dr. Sloane. That man made her glow and for that he would like him and never treat him with disrespect.

"No." he admitted freely. "But that seems to not make a difference. "Do you know that I have lost the two women that I have loved most in the world to that man." He said, bitterly. "I wanted to kill him when he slept with Addison but I knew that it had been more than a one-night stand but less than love – at least for him -- and for some reason that made it a little bit better. I know it makes me a terrible person but so be it. But with Meredith…" he stated. "Well look at them. They are in love and I have never seen Mark so…" What was the word he was looking for? "So…"

"Whipped?" Joe offered, shrugging his shoulders and raising his eyebrows. He called them like he saw them and Dr. Sloane was more than whipped, he was in love but he wasn't going to tell Dr. Shepherd that.

Derek smiled in spite of the situation and affirmed: "Yeah you can say that." He agreed. It was true. Mark had always been a ladies man. He was the one that always got the most beautiful girl as they were growing up; he was the one that the ladies chased after, pined over and made a fool of themselves. Derek had always been lucky but he was considered the nice guy, the one that finished last -- until Addison came along. She had fallen in love with him and married him. Well that had not gone according to plan and now neither did this! It was unbelievable but apparently he was destined to be second best in any woman's heart next to Mark.

In that same moment – oblivious to Derek's thoughts -- Meredith turned towards the bar and felt a twinge of guilt; if only for a second. She was so happy at this moment and she wanted everyone to be happy. She had been with Mark for the past two years and she had never in her life experienced a love so pure, so overwhelming, so scary; yet so beautiful. Mark truly was everything to her. She had no desire to seek anyone else; Mark was it for her. "I love you." She whispered into his ear. She was so glad that they were married. Waking up to him every morning for the rest of her life made her smile with giddiness every day.

Mark looked down at her and inched her closer to him. "I love you too." He said, and smiled as her eyes glowed up at him. "So much." He confirmed. Marriage was not so bad; actually, it was the best thing next to…well, nothing really. Mark – the eternal bachelor – had decided to do the unthinkable, get married. He had not hesitated the day he asked Meredith to marry him. He still remembered it. He had gotten up from bed in the morning, took a shower and as he came out he saw her laying naked on his bed, sound asleep; so peaceful and trusting in him that she was splayed all over her side no reservations. He saw her and it dawned on him, he wanted to propose to her. He had kissed her softly on the lips, told her he had an early surgery, and made his way to Tiffany's. He had bought her an engagement ring after seeing about 50. He knew it was the one as soon as he had seen it. It reminded him of her and he could see her finger in his mind with that ring on.

Meredith put slight pressure on the back of his neck, bringing him back to reality. "Derek is here. Do you want to go?" she asked him. She was so sick and tired of this game that the three of them were playing. They all felt guilt but no one actually voiced it out loud. Her feelings for Derek were non-existent. She did want him in her life but only because she knew that Mark wanted him in his. That was the extent of it. Mark would welcome Derek's friendship back with open arms

Mark turned towards the bar and saw him. He still felt some guilt as to what had happened between the three of them. He had taken from under him the woman that he loved but he couldn't feel guilty about it for long. His betrayal had given him the woman that he could truly not live without. "Lets try to talk to him." He told her. "If he wants us gone then we're gone but we have to try honey, don't you think?"

"He talks to you at the hospital." She pointed out as they still swayed to the music. "I think eventually he will get past this. I know that you miss him honey." She said, soothingly. "I know that it's partly my fault that he is not talking to you yet."

"It's not your fault." He said, as he kissed her lightly. "Even if that were true I still would choose you over him. I have lived without Derek, I can't live without you – you got under my skin, you took over my heart and there is no room for anyone else but you." He said, truthfully.

Derek turned to look at them once more and felt a stirring in his heart. They were happy, truly happy.

_**It's amazing  
how you make your face just like a wall  
how you take your heart and turn it off  
how I turn my head and lose it all**_

He knew that they had gotten close and fallen in love because of him and his lack of affection towards her. It wasn't that he had not loved her it was that he had been tainted and was damaged goods and he didn't know how to deal with that. It was that he had been burned and he didn't want to go through that again, even if at that time he didn't recognize it.

"Let me talk to him." Meredith told Mark as she turned to look at Derek one more time. "Go to the back, to the bathroom, wherever. Just give me about ten minutes. He is cordial to me but I need him to let go of me so he can be happy and maybe if we talk he will be." She said, as she saw Mark nod his head and kiss her forehead lightly.

"Good luck." He said, as he squeezed her hand in reassurance. He had no doubt of her love for him so her talking to Derek did not faze him in the least. **_  
_**  
Derek was too into his own thoughts to see Meredith approach him.

_**It's unnerving  
how just one move puts me by myself  
there you go just trusting someone else  
now I know I put us both through hell**_

"Hey." She said, trying to get Derek's attention. "Is this seat taken?" she pointed to the chair next to him.

He turned back to see if Mark was there and when he didn't see him, Derek turned to her and asked: "Where is your husband?"

"He stepped out for a bit but I was wondering if you had a few moments to spare." Meredith replied. She knew it was time that they all sat down and tried to figure this out because even though her husband tried to spare her feelings she knew that deep inside he still missed Derek.

_**I'm not saying  
there wasn't nothing wrong  
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me  
I'm not saying  
we ever had the right to hold on  
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me**_

"What can I do for you?" Derek asked, noncommittally. Seriously. What could they possibly talk about? He just wanted to stay as far away as possible from them but at the same time he was caught between missing Mark and even missing her. He didn't know if they would ever be able to be friends but for now he could at least listen to what she had to say.

"I want us to talk Derek." She said, trying to keep her emotions in check. This was the main problem between her in Derek those many years ago…they never did talk after he had left her hanging. She had come to terms with that many years ago and had managed to move on with Mark. Derek had no clue how grateful she was of his action. She had met the true love of her life and she had never been happier. She truly wished that he would find happiness as well.

_**But if that's how it's gonna leave  
straight out from underneath  
then we'll see who's sorry now  
If that's how it's gonna stand, when  
you know you've been depending on  
the one you're leaving now  
the one you're leaving out**_

"What do you want to talk about?"

"How you and Mark can get back to being friends. How you can manage to let go of all your anger and move on. How you can be happy again." Meredith stated, without any preamble. "My husband misses you and quite frankly I want to see him completely happy."

"Are you shitting me?" Derek questioned, surprised. "After everything that he has put me through you want me to what, just forgive him? Let bygones be bygones?"

_**It's aggravating  
how you threw me on  
and you tore me out  
how your good intentions turn to doubt  
the way you needed time to sort it out**_

"I understand you hate him because of what he did to you and Addison but Derek that was a long time ago and they both have paid for it. You still talk to Addison, hell even Mark and I talk to Addison. You forgave her, why can't you forgive him?"

"Because he took you away from me as well."

"No Derek, he didn't."

"Yes, he did."

"No. He didn't. You walked away from me leaving me to Finn. Things with Finn were already done but you didn't want to hear me or what I had to say. I can't help what happened between Mark and I but I didn't go out with him or sleep with him while I was dating or while I was with you. You need to put things in perspective Derek. You want to hate him for Addison go head; you don't get to not forgive him for me. Because they way I see it we were through." Meredith finalized, more serious than she had ever been.

_**Tell me is that how it's going to end  
when you know you've been depending on  
the one you're leaving now  
and the one you're leaving out**_

"You're right." Derek finally said. "I have been blaming him for you and it was me all along." He stated finally able to admit it even to himself. "It was me that pushed you away from me and into his arms."

Meredith chose to not confirm or deny his thoughts, instead she replied: "Derek he loves you. He is so sorry about Addison not because he hurt her – that has something to do with it – but mostly because he lost you: his brother, his confidante. Do you know that not a day goes by that he doesn't tell me a story about you two?" she said, as she smiled at Derek. "There are times that he has me on the floor, laughing so hard. I have heard them all I think…twice over. He misses you Derek and if I had to venture out a guess, I would have to say that you miss him as much. How could you not?" Meredith stated.

"I was the slighted one so it's easier for me to hold on to the anger." He clarified. "But I have forgiven him for Addison. I forgave him years ago. I just can't believe that it's been so many years that I have been holding on to this anger. I think it has consumed me." Derek pointed out.

"It has." She said, gently putting her hand on his arm. "Forgive him Derek. It's time." She finalized as she got up from the bar stool and made her way to the back of the bar. She knew that Mark would be anxious to know what the conversation had been and she did not want to leave him waiting more than he had to.

She spotted him playing a game of pool with Alex and George. "Hey I didn't know you guys would be here."

"Well we needed a place to unwind and here we are." Alex said. "So we invited your hubby to a game of pool. I slaughtered George so now I'm trying to slaughter your husband but he's a lot better than George." Alex said, as he laughed.

"Everything okay?" he asked, as he took his shot and sunk the ball in. He would not let the guys know that he was nervous but he knew that Meredith knew exactly how he felt. What had they talked about?

"Yeah." Meredith stated. "Do you mind if we get out of here sweetheart? I really am tired. George can take over."

"Sure." He replied. Thank God for her and the two of them being in sync. "Don't lose my game O'Malley." He said, as he smiled and handed him the pool stick. "Oh what am I talking about? I'll give you some classes soon. It's not fair that you lose all the time." He joked and approached Meredith and grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers.

"Hey I don't lose all the time." George defended. "Just most of the time." He mumbled.

At that they all laughed and Meredith leaned over and kissed Mark on the cheek. "He's almost ready to forgive you I think. I just hope that you guys can be friends again."

"I hope so too." He responded as his hand encircled her waist and started walking towards the door.

Derek stopped them almost as they were at the door. Both Mark and Derek stared at each other without talking. Meredith wanted to say something but she just stood next to Mark, wishing that someone would take the first step and talk. It was Derek. He held out his hand to Mark and stated: "You can thank your wife for making me see the light. She is an extraordinary woman and right on the ball. We should let bygones be bygones. Lets have a drink later on in the week."

For the first time in years Mark felt hope that Derek and him could come to some type of resolution and their friendship could start over. He knew that it would not be perfect by any means and that they both had to build trust again but this was a definitely a good start.

"You're on." He said, as they both smiled at each other.

Meredith and him walked out the door and as soon as the door shut behind them, Mark picked her in his arms and twirled her around. "You are amazing, absolutely magnificent! What did you tell him?" he said, as he hugged her to him, as tight as he could.

"Honestly?" she replied as she laughed at Mark not letting her out of his embrace. "I told him to get over himself and to place blame where blame lay – on the both of you and even me. It wasn't fair honey that he only blamed you. Besides, I told him that you did not steal me away; he gave me up. I think he chose to believe that you were the culprit to be able to sleep at night."

"Wow." Mark said, impressed.

"I love you Mark. I want you to be happy and I know that you would not be completely happy until thing with Derek is rectified." She said, as she leaned in and he lowered his head to kiss her.

"I love you Mrs. Sloane." He uttered reverently. "I really meant it when I said I could live without him but not without you."

"I love you Mr. Sloane." She said back as she kissed him one more time and linked her arm through his. "Lets go home."

FIN


End file.
